Do Not Grieve the Holy Spirit

Recently a question was raised regarding the meaning of the phrase from Ephesians 4:30: “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” What does it mean to “grieve the Holy Spirit”?

The Holy Spirit manifests Himself in a special way in the transmission of the Word of God. We know that all Scripture is the work of the Holy Spirit, carried out in and through human authors. The Holy Spirit also blesses and opens the Word of God through preaching, through hearing, or through reading the truths of Scripture. And since the context at the end of Ephesians chapter four concerns the role of speech and words in the life of the Christian, we must clearly understand that the Holy Spirit is mentioned in the context of our speech. That speech will either be for blessing—bringing joy to the Holy Spirit, and through this He will work—or that speech will not correspond to the nature and mission of the Holy Spirit, and therefore will grieve Him.

So what does this mean? What observations should we make? Let us begin with what lies on the surface and therefore demands attention. The Holy Spirit can be grieved. Only a person with consciousness, feelings, and desires can be grieved. This is an important theological observation that reminds us that the Holy Spirit is not an impersonal force, but a Person of the Triune God, who can either rejoice or be grieved. And it is precisely our speech and our attitude toward the Word that constitute a sphere of special concern for the Holy Spirit. And since He is everywhere, hears and sees everything related to the transmission of information, He is not indifferent to how we treat our words and the truths of Scripture.

Here an immediate conclusion suggests itself: we ought to seriously reflect on how we use words. What is our speech like? Do our words bring destruction, grief? The preceding text speaks directly to this: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who fear hear.” (Eph. 4:29). If we understand that our words can cause pain not only to those around us, but also to the Holy Spirit, this will strengthen our desire to contend for words that bring grace to others.

The Greek word translated “grieve” (lupeō) carries the idea of sorrow, sadness, grief, distress, and discouragement. In the Greek translation of the Old Testament, this word is used quite frequently—31 times. Here are several examples that illustrate its meaning. Joseph told his brothers not to be distressed or angry with themselves because they had sold him (Gen. 45:5). David grieved over his son Absalom (2 Sam. 19:2). Elisha was angry with Joash (2 Kings 13:19). Haman was grieved that he was compelled to show honor to Mordecai (Esth. 6:12). In the New Testament, this word occurs 26 times. Herod was grieved because of the oath he had made to the daughter of Herodias (Matt. 14:9). The disciples were grieved when they heard that Jesus would be killed (Matt. 17:23). The rich young man did not want to part with his possessions in order to follow Christ and went away sorrowful (Matt. 19:22). Paul, by his letter, grieved them as he corrected their indulgence in sin (2 Cor. 2:2–5).

This compound picture and the meaning of this word should help us understand what the Holy Spirit experiences when believers, by their speech, bring forth corruption (Eph. 4:29). Corrupt words grieve the Holy Spirit, because words speak about the heart. Such corrupt words proceed from the heart. Words are fruit. By the fruit one can discern the heart. Bad words indicate a breakdown deep within human nature.

But there is grace in this warning! We need to make the main observation: this warning not to grieve the Holy Spirit tells us that there is a God-ordained mechanism and response to sin in our speech. When we begin to carry corruption with our words, this grieves the Holy Spirit, and that means that His disposition, if we may put it this way, changes. And when someone close—very close—is grieved, we sense it. Any family or any close relationship confirms this. A husband very quickly senses when his wife is grieved. No, the Holy Spirit will not abandon this relationship. He will not forsake us. But His sorrow or grief will be felt by the Christian, just as in any other close relationship. This is precisely the mechanism that helps us notice when we have crossed a line and fallen into sin, as David says in Psalm 51:12 (ESV): “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.”

Is this not grace—that God has established a system that warns us that something is wrong with the heart, since the joy of salvation is absent because the Holy Spirit is grieved? And David joins these two things together into one: the joy of the believer and being upheld by the Holy Spirit. This is grace!

So then, may this theme encourage us to care about the purity of our speech—not only because it destroys those around us, but also because it grieves the Holy Spirit. If our relationship with God is built on grace and love, then out of love for God, and a desire not to grieve Him, we will be able to fight against sin. This struggle is not based on fear, but on love.

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"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Corinthians 13:1-7